How I was Reborn in the "Lab..."
How I was Reborn in the "Lab..."
My Rebirth in the Labyrinth
After pulling into a gravel drive-way, I parked my car, climbed out and slammed the door shut. I stood up and breathed in. I walked past an ancient rooted oak tree, and stepped over its crumbling roots breaking forth from the soil. I paused and gazed in front of me at a slab of concrete surrounded by trees. A simple sign before me proclaimed “The Labyrinth.”
This “labyrinth” was just a 20 foot wide slab of concrete with twisted white lines to walk in-between. It resembled a warped maze, with a center circle and small unlit candle as the prize. I had learned in my online research the night before that a “labyrinth” was a unique physical meditation tool where you walked a path until you reached the center. The path you took utilized seven abrupt u-turns, each representing the mind and stages of life.
Amidst the fading days of summer I was battling for light and truth, desperate for answers.
Just a few weeks prior, I discovered thousands and thousands of dollars and loads of equipment had been stolen from me. I remember the call I got from one of my employees who had discovered the first signs of deceit.
“Tim, I hate to be the bearer of bad news…but you won’t believe this,” they uttered in shock. In a single moment I was wrecked with a new reality.
I had been incredibly generous with a trusted employee both financially and professionally, giving them almost unrestricted access to my business, even while they were in the midst of having their family falling apart and dealing with a haunted past of addiction. I was left with cash missing, chaos in my business, and hours and hours of phone calls with police, lawyers, and others to decipher and discern what had happened and what I needed to do.
I had driven past signs for “The Labyrinth” time after time, always wondering what this odd little concrete pad with white lines was all about. For reasons unknown, I felt a voice calling out to me as I drove past this hidden little park.
For weeks, I avoided pulling into the parking lot at St. John’s Episcopal Church. But this day my spirit was fully broken. I was out of answers and a twisted walk seemed my only hope. So I stepped over the threshold and began my walking meditation.
I wandered in a semi-circle left, then abruptly turned right, nearing each time in my journey towards the center, then suddenly whipped further away. As I walked, I felt as if I was a shipwrecked sailor, tossed back and forth in the waves of my mind.
I thought I had been a generous and kind leader and instead of receiving gratitude from employees, I was rewarded with theft and deceit.
Was it really worth it to continue to be that kind of leader?
As I neared the center, the darker thoughts entered my mind. Why should I keep giving if all people do is take and steal and destroy? I thought I was a genuinely good person, and I should get good things in return. I didn’t deserve to get hurt.
I kept walking and screaming out in my mind.
God, why? Why? What is happening to me?
A shift to the left, then a shift to the right – I felt myself winding more and more tightly until I finally reached the center. I stopped and stood alone in the garden, the small candle standing at my feet.
Silence.
I whispered a prayer, “Show me the way. I need to know the Way.”
The words barely made their way out, empty as I uttered them but powerful as they sprang to life.
Metanoia, a Greek word meaning “a transformative change of heart,” came over me like the tide coming in, a slow and steady crash and slide up onto the shore. Deep within me, I knew my paradigms had been broken and overwhelmed. I surrendered, and as I turned back around each corner in that labyrinth, I turned around in my own mind.
I was in a sense born again.
The way out was the same way I had come.
When I first stepped onto the path, I had been convinced that I had two irreconcilable choices. As I walked backwards, I found I could choose both seemingly opposing ideas battling in my mind. I found at the center of that circle the word “AND.”
“And” isn't just a conjunction in our sentences; it's a vital mindset in our lives. Imagine the possibilities when we refuse to accept the limitations of binary choices. Where once we saw only rigid pathways, we can forge new trails that honor all aspects of our being.
When we embrace this reality, we find truth and meaning in the struggle. Most importantly we learn the lessons and truths we’re likely missing if we try and jump out of the tension to resolve the pain we feel. You can find the “AND” in your career, your happiness, your food intake, and in your faith.
As we encounter dozens of abrupt twists and u-turns in our own lives, we can discover an entirely new world if we lean in, listen, and refuse poor options. The best answer is out there, waiting to be birthed and shown in its fullness and wonder, if we are willing to walk and wander for awhile in the labyrinths of our minds.
For me, I could and would live at the intersection of people and profit. I would set up systems to protect me from theft and deceit, but I wouldn’t stop looking for ways to care for people and look for opportunities for human flourishing in my community. I could focus on maximizing profitability in the business while also engaging in a giving campaign that forgave over $1 million in medical debt in our community. My team began to see an opportunity to see stewardship of things which meant both care and growth.
I had set out in the labyrinth of life, wrestling with the many options thrown at me from every angle. Each of us makes the same journey. As we make it through life, we shift left and right. Then we find the center, a strange mix of quiet and chaos greet us. We pause, and begin to hold those opposable ideas in our mind until we reveal the mystery: there is a power somewhere in the “AND” that opens a door to a new reality.
I walked back to my car that hot summer afternoon, slammed the door shut, and breathed out a deep sigh of relief. The weight was lifted. I was no longer a passive participant in a game of choices, but an active creator of a reality where the power of 'AND' reigns supreme, a reality where tension and triumph could dance together in the beautiful rhythm of life.
If you’d like to experience your own walking meditation, you can find thousands of Labyrinth locations near you here.
Gratitude Notes: A special set of thanks to
,, and for their help as I found my way out of the writing labyrinth of my own making. I found the AND one again.
This is awesome Tim! Loved the voice read with the music too. Needed to hear this and need the “AND”
...there is a labyrinth at the bottom of a hill in a local volcanic park and this time of year it fills up with 100's of frogs...the cacophony as you approach it is incredible...but true to form, walk it in and out and in and out as much as you need and the only thing the mind will focus on is those steps..."and" is definitely the light shining cousin of "or"...i think that makes "also" the uncle and "nor" the family member we don't mention anymore...great read dude...