What if your greatest compulsions are the key to unlocking your calling?
That question opened one of the most powerful conversations I’ve ever had—a deep dive into identity, leadership, pain, and calling with my friend
, founder of Hightower.But this isn’t just theory.
Trevor flipped the script and walked me through the actual identity discovery process he uses with founders, fund managers, and investors.
If you’re a founder, leader, or creative trying to align your life and work with who you actually are (not who you're trying to impress), this is for you.
Step 1: Identify the Words That Marked You
"When someone speaks the truth about who you are, it doesn’t hit your head. It hits your heart." —Trevor Hightower
We all have words of identity spoken over us at different points. Some healed us. Some wounded us.
Here’s your tactical challenge:
List 3-5 encouragements that felt true when you heard them.
Think back to moments where someone said:
"You’re a leader."
"You bring people together."
"You see what others miss."
Now ask:
Who said it?
When did they say it?
Why did it matter?
For me, a turning point was when someone called me a diplomatic leader. I’d never heard that before. But it helped me reframe years of tension and challenge into something essential and God-given.
🌟 Step 2: Use 3 Tools to Frame Your Gifting
You can’t lead others until you know yourself. Trevor walked me through how elite leaders use personality frameworks to triangulate their identity.
Use these three tools (and compare notes):
My Voice Order: Connector → Pioneer → Creative
What’s yours? Identify your top voice and blindspot.
Known as "The Achiever"
Key struggle: Mistaking performance for identity
Graham Duncan's Compulsion Exercise
Prompt: "What are you most compulsive about that gives you energy?"
“What if your compulsions are the center of your calling?”
Once you’ve gone through all three, distill your identity into 3 identity words.
Mine?
Intentional Leader
Authentic Connector
Creative Builder
🚀 Step 3: Build Your Life Around Clean Fuel
There’s a massive difference between dirty fuel (fear, comparison, performance) and clean fuel (clarity, calling, identity).
Ask yourself daily:
“Am I operating out of my true self or my false self right now?”
Trevor’s simple prayer for alignment:
“God, how can I encourage and connect today from who I really am?”
Design your business, your calendar, even your relationships to align with those identity words.
Do more of what feels like play for you:
For me: whiteboards, vision sessions, facilitating offsites, one-on-one coffee meetings.
Make your compulsions the flywheel of your organization.
Resources Mentioned
If this helped, forward it to someone who’s wrestling with identity, burnout, or disillusionment in leadership.
And hit reply: What 3 words describe your true identity?
Until next time,
Tim
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